Dreams

My dreams as of late have been rather complicated. So much happens and I wake up feeling lost in another world. I can't seem to focus. My thoughts are all over the place. My heart is confused and my emotions have no direction. We are a complicated species. We dwell/over think/ponder/reflect all to often and it causes more confusion in the long run.

To even sit down and write this blog post takes effort for me. I start becoming anxiety ridden as if my words have no meaning and I have to figure out a way to infuse life into them. That's not right. I want this to go away this doubt that constantly consumes me. The doubt that prevents me from moving forward for fear of the unknown. I feel like I'm in neutral most of the time looking at everyone else pass by in 4th gear.

Day by day I struggle. I struggle with the most mundane of tasks. My heart and my head battle each other and neither ever wins. I'm in a constant state of almost. I live my life in my head playing out what I want to happen and nothing actually ever does...happen. Life is tricky. One would think with all this confusion that my life is full of drama. It's not. I'm a fairly simple individual but I can make anything complicated.

All I want is one day of peace. One day where I am me. Maybe once I get the taste of that again it will never leave. I just want to experience that again. I sometimes ponder changing locations but I would still be plagued with my own thoughts. Change isn't about moving. Change is about doing. So I must do it. But how. That is what I struggle with. I see the outcome. I can smell/taste/feel the outcome. It's the inbetweens that I'm caught up in. Oh life you fickle thing.

Change is necessity.