So. What makes you busy? For me it's work. Shocker. I've always been a solid employee. I'm on time, I go above what's required, and I'm dependable. I fell into the mortgage industry while picking up the pieces of myself back in 2006. I loved the ever-changing nature that comes with it and I loved being in the corporate world. Maybe it was the location of my job, inside the Ballpark in Arlington, or maybe the people I worked with, but I fell in love. I fell in love with busy. I felt unaccomplished when my day ended right at 5:00. I felt like working until 7 or 8 was the norm and for this industry when it's busy that is the norm. I spent 3 years becoming better at my job as a loan processor. I couldn't wait to find the next challenge, to reach the next level of my career. I don't have a college degree so I felt like this was my path and so I let it consume me. It consumed my personal life because I took work home or I let the stresses affect all aspects of my life. I started to lose my hair, from a stress induced condition called alopecia. It was terrible. Whatever happened at work whether negative or positive had a direct impact on me and my outside life. I don't think I realized it was work that was causing my unhappiness. I don't think it even hit me until I started writing this post even.
It didn't end there though. I was at that job for 4 years and was laid off due to a merge of two companies. My position was phased out. I started feeling panicked and confused. I didn't know if this meant I should change career paths or just stick with the one I had invested so much time in. So I stuck it out. I'm still sticking it out. I have invested so much time. I still love what I do as a whole but there are varying factors that make it hard to sit in my desk chair 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Sometimes I feel like I'm meant to be elsewhere but then the voice in my head starts shouting at me for being unreasonable. I have a plan though I really do. I pay off my car sometime next year and I feel like that will be my chance to fly. I will have $500 a month to myself. All mine. Not some financial company that has drained me of every cent for 6 years. I want to slap my 20 year old self for getting me into this mess.
So my addiction to busy is fueled by the need to make money. I have a plan. I have ideas. I have a desire to do more than what I'm doing. My addiction to busy should not play the leading role in my life. My idea of "busy" needs to include healthy things like working out or writing or volunteering. So I'm waving goodbye to busy and saying hello to being present.
No comments:
Post a Comment