A manifesto of sorts...

The thing about blogging. It makes you self-reflect and sometimes all too often. It makes you wonder if your life is what it should be. The fact is though...your life is yours. It's not determined by what other people are doing. It's not determined by the should be's. It's determined by hard-work and passion. My life is not glamorous. I don't take pictures all of the time. I love taking pictures but it's not something I'm passionate about. I don't always have the perfect words to say. So I don't blog or write often.

I see tons of people with Etsy shops, food and photography blogs and it makes me wonder if I'm missing out on something. I am. I'm missing out on finding my passion. Then I get to wondering what if my passion isn't something tangible like other peoples. What if I love my job and just want to have lots of hobbies that I'm passionate about. Then I slap myself in the face for comparing myself to these other people. I am me. You are you. That's what makes this world go round. You may rock it at being a mom/blogger/cook/writer/photography and the list goes on. That's you. This is me. I rock at being random and speaking my mind. I rock at being organized at work and being sociable. I rock at screaming at sports games. I rock at being me. So that's what I will always be.

I stand here before the Internet with my fingers as tools to present to you that declaration. So here I am. Open, honest and with blank pages to fill with new words and pictures on occasion.

I don't conform to the usual. I don't believe what others think I should. I'm a woman of faith but I'm not religious. Go ahead and challenge me. I probably won't take the time to debate with you but I will listen. Wow that felt pretty damn good to say!

Monday is approaching so I better get prepared. Catch ya on the flip side.

In which I take a leap of faith...

Tomorrow I set forth on a journey. A journey which will require hours of self-reflection, memories I might not like to think about with a healthy dose of laughter and You go Girl yells. It's 10 weeks long and I'm ready and focused to begin. I've never been one to fully admit I'm struggling until the situation is severely out of control and forces me to admit what's going on. Last year was a year of self-discovery, change, and being down. I no longer intend to live life behind a frown and instead smile brightly like I always have. I will no longer let the oh woe is me phrase control my future. The warmth of a blanket is nothing like the warmth of new friendships and adventure. I plan to make this a Revolution of a year. I plan to seize the day and never look back. This is life and there's no rewinding time. It's time to focus on all aspects of a healthy life and finally do and not just say. I'm beyond ready for this, my sanity and future depend on this. Lord give me courage to face the rocky patches ahead, the clarity so that I may see through the clouded images of society and the strength to stand up and fight. I'll try to post every week regarding my progress. Here I go...

Deathly shy

When I was a kid up until the age of about 12 I was that weird shy kid you never want to make eye contact with. Seriously it was bad. I mean I had my close friends who really knew that I wasn't truly the weird shy kid I was at school but everyone else knew me as shy Ashley. I always made great grades and did my work so the only problem my teachers had with me was that I didn't talk much. How could that not like that though? Geez! I remember once during open house my parents were asked by a teacher of mine if I was mute...seriously?! Rewind a bit...when I was 3 my mom enrolled me in this dance school in hopes of helping me come out of my shell. Well that plan FAILED and it made me crawl further into that imaginary shell. I went to the same elementary from K - 6th and the summer before 7th grade we decided to move across town. I was devastated. All that hard work of actually making friends just down the drain. So being the great parents that they are they said Ash ya know what if you don't mind getting up a little early we don't mind driving you to school across town so you can be with your friends. I was stoked! Even though the junior high with my friends had uniforms, I just wanted to be there with my friends. So...summer flew by and my mom had even bought my uniforms and such. 2 weeks before school something hit me...why the hell would I want to get up early just to go to school to be with friends that I may not see every class or at all throughout the day. So I sheepishly went into my parents room and had a serious conversation with them. I asked if they would be mad if I decided to go to Bailey Junior High, the junior high right by the house, the junior high my dad went to, and the junior high where I would meet the greatest friends I could ever have met. They joyously agreed with decision and the rest is history. So I stared at Bailey two weeks later and had absolutely no friends at all. I knew one girl from a soccer camp but we weren't even friends just aquaintances. So I had to reluctantly crawl out of that shell and test the waters. So...I was shy and weird...now I'm outgoing and weird. Haha there's no changing weird. I'm thankful for that weird and awkward stage in my life. It has helped me approach situations with not so outgoing people in a very easy going non abrassive manner. Now, admittedly, my outgoing personality has got me into trouble on many occasions, but I am just thankful I can actually talk to a person one on one now without nearly having a panic attack. I'm not exactly sure why I decided to share this small tidbit of my life but it's my blog and I can do what I want lol. A lot is going on right now and I can't complain about anything so I could blog about all the things I've done lately and about the cruise I went on but I don't feel like getting carried away and I'm at work... Later gators.